i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize