we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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