planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
