Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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