She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
