i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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