how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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