so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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