Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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