Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
