just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
