i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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