you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize