Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
