I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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