I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
