I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
