I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
