how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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