yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
