I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
