Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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