Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
