Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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