omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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