No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
