you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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