3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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