He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
