I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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