Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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