i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
