This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
