I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
