i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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