Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
