I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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