During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
