We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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