All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
