you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is the high leading the old right now
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
