She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
