So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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