He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
