Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
