I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am naked and annoyed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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