Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
