Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
