No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
