If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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