I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is Oprah even human
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
