You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize