I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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