i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
