I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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