I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize