there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize