STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
