Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
