You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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