God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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