She's JV to your varsity
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
