Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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