Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
