There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
