I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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