What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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