Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize