Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
