I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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